On re-re-re-re-re-re-starting.

I have been absent.
Terrible anxiety
made me its muppet.

For many months I
made not one single thing; I
aimlessly floated.

It was balls. All that
time I was not Catherine,
I was an absence,

a nothingness that
played iPad games all day and
did not enjoy them.

But to my new joy
Once more I awaken at
three am with sparks

in my eyes, visions
of works to make, to bring to
life. I’m me again!

Still foal-footed, I
move slowly, too slowly for
my impatient soul.

I must be gentle.
This sucks. I want to sprint, to
fly, not meander.

I have thought of you.
Wished I had something to say,
But my tongue was numb.

Three a.m. once more
Whispered across my pillow.
She knows the lyrics.

I’ve come home.

  • http://remadebyhand.com/ Erin Kurup

    Welcome back! It’s delightful to hear from you, and in such a lovely mix of linguistic gymnastics and concrete directness :)

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      That is the nicestest praise, especially from a word-wrangler like yourself. It’s so lovely to be home.

  • http://jsgreenleaves.weebly.com/blog.html Julie Hamilton

    Welcome back! So happy to hear from you, and your message was exactly what I needed to hear. Hope you are doing great.

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      I’m so glad I said what you needed, beautiful! That’s my goal.

  • http://www.ADDconsults.com/ Terry Matlen, ACSW

    You’ve been missed. So glad to see you back up and running.

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      Not running yet, more like that half-jog really unfit people do. But it’s all good. :)

      • http://www.ADDconsults.com/ Terry Matlen, ACSW

        Well, jogging is still running. And it’s moving in the right direction. :)

  • http://www.zenofiniquity.com/ Liz P.

    Lovely! We’re always here, ready for your words to dribble through the interwebs like pearls of awesome.

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      Woo! Dribbly pearls!

  • http://www.flirtygrrl.com Lori Paquette

    So lovely to see you. Happy to hold your hand as you gain footing <3

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      Limbs all over the place I LOVE IT

  • Shanna Mann

    Yay! 3am brain sparkles are powerful medicine. Good to have you back.

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      It’s good to have me back, too. :)

  • evanhadkins

    Hi Catherine, great to hear you are feeling good again.

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      Thanks, Evan. :)

  • Meg Ward

    Over the moon to see you back! You have been missed. Looking forward to all your new ideas :)

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine


  • http://tangerinemeg.com/ Tangerine Meg

    ((hugs)) The internet is smarter and has more heart now you are back! x o x o

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      Awww. *blushies*

  • http://www.colouryourlife.net/ Kerryn Hewson

    Awesome to hear from you again! Keeping plugged into that river of inspiration is always a challenge. So glad to hear you’ve found your way back. :)

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      I just wrote a long-ass post about how I did that. It’s so good to be back with you!

      • http://www.colouryourlife.net/ Kerryn Hewson

        Yay!! Can’t wait to read it. :-)

  • http://curvesnangles.wordpress.com/ Karen J

    Indeed delightful to have you back!
    (Also, to know that there *is* a happy here on the other side of that hideous scary “Whaaannhh!” there that I seem to be stuck in, too.)

    Bright Blessings ~

    • http://www.CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

      There is, darling. There is. Persist.